


I’ll remember you every day, but I’ll be fine

by darkblueandcloudy



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies)
Genre: Afterlife, Crying, Death, I’m sorry, Kind of Depressing, M/M, Sad Newt, This Is Sad, they go to the glade when they die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkblueandcloudy/pseuds/darkblueandcloudy
Summary: Newt is dead.Thomas is gone.Everything is gone, until he wakes up in The Box.It might never get better, never stop hurting.But at least this time he remembers his life before.
Relationships: Alby & Newt (Maze Runner), Frypan & Gally & Minho & Newt & Thomas (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	1. Before I Fell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence

‘Newt.’  
Everything is blurry, out of focus. The host’s vision fades in and out of black, but when it can see, its all fire. Fire, and another living creature. In front of the host’s face, blocking all it’s senses.  
**_Kill it._**  
In response to the command, the host lunges forwards at the creature, knocking it to the ground.

 _Please, Tommy. Please._  
‘Kill me!’  
I shriek in frustration, I want to kill it, the voice, the pain, this- thing, living inside me.  
_Me.  
My brain.  
It needs to go.  
I’m sorry._  
‘I’m sorry Tommy.’

The creature is grunting and sobbing, the host is sitting on top of it, neither one fighting anymore. ‘It’s okay,’ it breathes.  
**_Weak. It’s weak. Kill it._**

I scream again, but horrified by the sound that comes out of my mouth. Tommy struggles beneath me, trying to hold me still while I thrash in his grip.  
I can barely see, but for a second I narrow in on something wet falling on his cheek. It’s either my tears or blood. Or something black and terrifying.  
It’s all three, isn’t it.

**_Kill._ **

_No, no, no, no, no! He’ll die, because of me. I can’t let that happen. He’s too stupid and brave and he cares too much._  
So I rip out his gun and hold it to my head, ready to end this suffering. Both mine and his.  
_He can’t love me like this._

The weapon and the host are thrown aside by the creature. The host shrieks a third time in anger, louder this time. It pulls out a second, sharper object.  
**_Kill._**  
It does. Nearly.  
**_The creature, it doesn’t deserve to live._ **  
The creature fights back with more strength than before.

_Creature. Him. Tommy._

**_Kill it!_ **

_No! Kill me!_  
_Tommy. Please make it stop._  
‘Please,’  
_Please._  
‘Tommy.’

They fight sloppily; the host and the creature from whom it begs for death. Limbs flailing, blade swinging.  
Blood, sweat and tears.  
**_Danger._ **  
The host just grunts in response, stumbling into the creature with a piercing thud.  
**_Danger!_ **

Everything goes clear for a split second; my head clears. It’s over. Tommy and I stare at each other. But then the moment is wrenched from us, and it’s more painful than anything I could ever imagine. More so than the knife lodged hilt-deep in my chest, above my heart.  
More soul crushing, more horrific. But as I feel myself slip, into the mist surrounding me, into the darkness clouding me, Tommy in a state of shock and his hands squeezing my shoulders too tight, it‘s almost lovely.  
In some sick, terrifying and gut-wrenching way, it’s beautiful.  
I’m free, I’m in love.  
And now I want to scream and cry forever.  
He’s gone and I’m falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just incase you were confused, bold italics were the Flare speaking in Newt’s mind, italics were Newt’s own thoughts.  
> ‘Creature’ was Thomas, ‘host’ was Newt.  
> This story hurt to write.  
> I hope you’re enjoying it.
> 
> Next chapter is longer I promise.  
> x


	2. What Came After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the afterlife bit. I obviously went back and edited, but I didn’t really take anything out. Didn’t hold much back while writing, bit of a ramble. Be prepared for an onslaught of emotions!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

My eyes snap open and I immediately wince due to the overwhelming brightness consuming my vision. Thankfully, it’s hot and I can feel it warm up my icy skin and thaw my bloodstream. 

_So.  
Cold.  
Why am I so cold? _

But I swear I can feel the warmth reach my veins.  
It’s... refreshing.

I blink a few times, a weak attempt to adjust my eyes to the blinding light, moving one arm from the cool floor to block my face.  
Shadows are moving above me, one sticking out an arm and barking an order, then the ceiling opens.  
I sit up abruptly, my eyes widening in disbelief.  
It’s with a sickening drop of my stomach that I look around me, and I now see.  
I’m in a box.  
The Box.  
Again.  
‘Bloody shucking hell, you’ve got to be kidding me!’

Laughter. All I hear is laughter, strong, yet bubbly and soft. Familiar. It makes my body warmer from comfort.  
_Alby._  
He reaches down and helps me climb out.  
‘Newt! Why the hell are you here? It’s been months since the last!’  
‘Winston...’ I murmur.  
He hugs me, but I only gape and look over his shoulder in a daze. The Glade. I’m in the Glade, only without all the fear and impending doom. No walls surrounding us, as we helplessly tell ourselves we’ll get out, we can do it.  
But then we did.  
We got out, we escaped WCKD, we saved people, we stood by each other.  
We were a team. We trusted each other. And most of all, we trusted Thomas.  
We followed him anywhere he took us.  
_I_ trusted Tommy. _I_ loved him.  
Now I’m gone. I’m definitely dead, I have to be.  
I’m just not quite sure _where_ I’ve gone.

A group is gathering around us, all familiar faces I’ve been longing to see for months. They’re crowding me, a mix of worry and joy evident in their expressions. Not a second later I’m hit with a barrage of incessant questions and pleading for information. It’s all making my head hurt, a painful sensation which has become achingly familiar over the past couple of days.  
’The shuck happened?’  
‘Yeah, what happened to you?’  
‘What’s it Winston? The Flare? Was that it, Newt?’  
‘How’s Fry ‘n Minho?’  
‘Are they safe?’  
‘Well Newt’s dead isn’t ‘e! That don’t seem safe to me!’  
‘Newt, are you okay?’  
I let out a shaky breath and look back at Alby, at the concern written across his face. I nod, my mouth still hanging open and my fingers slipping off his arms to my pockets.  
He shakes his head, taking my shoulders and leading me to a clearing I’ve seen before. A pile of burnt and ashy sticks lies in the centre.  
Alby pushes me down to sit on a log. Everyone gathers near me, clearly eager to hear my story.  
Alby shakes his head again. ‘Sorry Newt, but that was the least convincing nod I’ve ever witnessed. Now tell us what happened. How everyone is.’  
I’m still overwhelmed, but I decide to try my best to give them what they want. I inhale shakily, and Winston sits next to me, placing an encouraging hand on my forearm. I send him a grateful smile.  
‘Well. After we left Winston...’ he looks down at his lap.  
‘After we escaped WCKD, we spent days in the Scorch, quickly running out of supplies and trying to keep clear of- of more cranks.’ Nobody notices me falter. ‘We had barely enough water, and our spirits were dropping. We couldn’t see any sign of civilisation, and... and Thomas wasn’t doin a lot.’ I let out a strained chuckle that sounds and feels more like a choke and Winston nudges me gently.  
I take a few deep breaths, waiting for the tightness in my throat to go away. The aching clutch around my heart never fades.  
I continue to tell them our story in great detail, not missing the excitement on their faces, but playing along with it best I can.  
‘Then we took his car and drove to the mountains. We ran into what we thought was an ambush, but it was just Harriet and Sonya... friends of Aris.’ Someone snickers. ‘That the kid from the girl maze you told us about Winston?’ Winston grins.  
‘Lucky shank.’  
I continue to recount, remember, my restless audience completely unaware of how much this hurts. Every time Thomas’ name comes out of my mouth, I pause. Winston is the only one who notices.  
I can hardly blame them. They didn’t hear the sweet nothings Thomas whispered in my ear every night. They weren’t there through all our struggles. They don’t know how incorruptible and unyielding the bond we _all_ had was. They didn’t see the look on Tommy’s face when...when he...

I tell them about Teresa’s betrayal, which shocks some, including Chuck (he’s been sitting practically on my lap ever since I first uttered ‘Thomas’), but makes a couple of guys huff, obviously not surprised at all.  
I recount the six months after Minho got captured, not leaving out any detail about how we hijacked the WCKD transports. The Gladers are enthralled.  
Then I tell them about infiltrating WCKD- and Gally.  
And finally, I know I can’t stall any longer. I hesitate, uncertain of how to start.  
‘C’mon, that can’t be it!’ Alby exclaims, shifting next to me. ‘What happened next?’ I cross my legs on the log and pick my nail. Softening his voice, he looks me up and down. ‘Oh.’  
I look up, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes for a moment, surrendering to a tiny grin in my mind and on my lips.  
_Ok Tommy, I’ll be nice- I promise._  
I smile wider, enjoying the moment of silence and the wind caressing my face. I look down again and everyone is leaning forward in anticipation, although Alby is looking at me strangely.  
‘The Flare.’ I say simply, but I know it’s not enough.  
‘I didn’t tell you- I’d showed Tommy my bite. He said we’d get the Cure. I insisted we rescue Minho first. It was hard, but we were so close to saving him.’ I go quiet again, but this time no one questions me.  
‘I couldn’t risk Minho to save myself.’ Alby pats my shoulder and every single Glader looks up at me in admiration. I can barely take it all in.  
‘Anyway-‘ I gulp and Winston just stares at me knowingly.  
‘I started to lose control. I wanted to- yeah. I was just so... angry. It was tearing me up. The gunshots and fire were too much, I couldn’t think. I could barely hold myself up. Tommy-‘ I swallow, looking down at my hands. I can’t cry. Not now.  
‘H-he sent Minho to get the serum. Brenda and Jorge had it back at the Berg. Gally went too.’ I furrow my eyebrows and squint, a bubble rising in my throat. ‘He shouldn’t have. Maybe he could have stopped me. Maybe if he’d stayed...’ I look away from the Gladers, trying desperately (and fruitlessly) to hold back my stupidly persistent tears. ‘I wanted to kill Thomas. But there was still a part of me that knew I was beyond help, that wanted to save him.’ They all sit there, speechless. I force myself to go on.  
‘It was that part of me, the sane part, that- that...’  
And then they come. The tears. I hug my knees and sob violently. Alby wraps an arm around my back, but I know it won’t do anything. It’ll never be okay.  
‘You can stop if you want,’ he whispers.  
I could stop, and I could finally recover; end the pain.  
Or maybe... maybe it’ll never end. Never fade completely.  
Maybe that’s not a bad thing.  
Tommy is alive, he has his friends, _his family._  
He loves me. _He’ll never forget me.  
And I’ll never forget him. _  
Suddenly, there’s a blaze of determination in my stomach, I know it means nothing, I don’t have to, but I’m _going_ to finish. If only to prove that I _will_ be fine. Without him.  
_Not without him.  
He’ll always be with me.  
Just like I’ll always be with him. _

‘I begged Thomas. To save himself and all the others.’ A few murmurs I heard before when I cried have stopped, as if my blade sliced the words right out of their throats. I can hear the breeze.  
‘I held a gun to my head. Bloody Tommy stopped me, he saved me, but it only made me lose myself further. I couldn’t see any sense.’ Alby’s hand is holding mine so tight I’m convinced it’ll fall off. ‘I never did again, not until after I tried to pierce his heart with a knife. Not until after we fought. Not until.’  
I inhale shakily. The breeze ruffles my hair a bit, but it’s warm, and makes me relax. As if it’s Tommy holding my hand. Minho tussling my hair, Brenda and Jorge and Gally and Fry sitting in front of me. Smiling. Not a worry in the world.  
‘Not until he turned the blade back on me. For a moment, before I... I think I slipped back into sanity. Just for a second.’  
I block everyone out. I close my eyes and break down the barricades I’ve put up against myself, allow myself to remember Tommy properly, his face of disbelief and horror when he landed the knife deep in my chest. I don’t want to imagine the expression on his face after that.  
‘Then he was gone.’ I open my eyes again and squeeze Alby’s hand in return. I don’t wipe away my tears. He sighs.  
‘And then you woke up. Here.’ I nod.

————

So this is what came after.  
After I fell.  
After Tommy.  
When I cried again, the Gladers were all there for me. When Teresa came up in The Box, we hugged and sobbed into each other’s shoulders. It’s too painful to hold grudges here. Eternity is a long time.  
I spend my days lounging in the sun, soaking up and relishing in all the peace and happiness I’d been deprived of in my short life. I think of Tommy every day, it still hurts; still feels like he plunged the blade back in my heart, but twisting and turning until I can’t feel anything anymore.  
But it hurts less. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away, ever dissolve completely.  
What I do know is that we still have each other. He may not know it, I might not even be fully convinced he’s with me, but we’ll never forget each other.  
We won’t see each other for years, decades. I know he’s safe. He’s fine.  
I’m fine.  
Because nobody‘s ever gone for good.  
_And I’ll continue to remember you every day, but I know I’ll be fine._


End file.
